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Greed: a pernicious evil

Money is sometimes a poisoned real life a couple. Magnet for some men, they do not hesitate to take advantage of the feelings of women in situations of vulnerability and distress for extorting huge amounts of money without considering the injuries ...
Sometimes money is a real poison in the life of a couple.
real magnet for some men, they do not hesitate to enjoy the feelings of women in situations of vulnerability and distress for extorting huge amounts of money without considering the injuries they cause to their passage. A reality that many victims complain that have seen their life suddenly take the bitter taste of trahison.Les women are sentient beings. After a sentimental failure, they always try to look to others to enjoy a new warmth in order to find solace after their disappointments. Unfortunately, sometimes this fragility tends to push these people into an even greater disappointment to the extent that they are once again used, biased and deceived by people without morals, without any principle.

This was the experience of Fouzia, a mother of two children, are divorcing. His inability to obtain rapid dissolution of her marriage led her to knock on doors. A quest that has unfortunately led to an unscrupulous individual who has profited greatly from its weakness, promising better days:

"By meeting with Amin, he was quick to tell me he is an officer in a department Moroccan and he occupies an important place. Entrusting myself to him, he assured me of his support and his support for my divorce trial that dragged on for several months. I had trusted him and listened to his recommendations to the lettre.Lorsqu 'he demanded 15,000 DH for delivery to a magistrate to advance the state of things, I ran to raise money to give him. Subsequently, our relationship has developed between our most intimate relationships and made the acquaintance of my children. We went out one night together and we were dines at the restaurant. When paying the bill, he took my bag without any discomfort and had settled the bill with my money. I stayed at his stupid gesture but I did not want to cause scandale.Par result, always for my divorce, I asked again to 15,000 new DH, assuring me that he did everything. Ultimately, I discovered his deception and I realized quickly that I was to him a cash cow to be milked in penny regardless of the fact that one of my children is disabled. I am surprised that in such institutions meant to protect citizens, we can find people like full of opportunism and greed ... "says the mother, before bursting into larmes.La suspicion is necessary, it is certain that this situation has been the experience of several women. We are all weak in the charm of men, especially if we are in a critical situation. But this does not mean that we should not avail of our intelligence.Il it is clear must not only think with his heart but with his mind. If a behavior you seem suspicious from the start, do not hesitate to confront the person and put it up against the wall. Ask him accountable even if he displays an air of vexation. It is just a manipulation to which you must pay any attention.Si a man asks you for money, show distrust. In a couple, there is no shame in that your husband goes through a bad period but he was never told that the attitude of a true gentleman is counting on his partner's financial resources ...

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Nervousness: the enemy of your couple


In all couples, there are problems. This expression, old for generations, is often repeated by our mothers and grandmothers for all young married women face obstacles with patience and wisdom.

In all couples, there are problems. This expression, old for generations, is often repeated by our mothers and grandmothers for all young married women face barriers to married life with patience and wisdom. But when disputes persist, life becomes hell and sometimes you crack, especially if you have a husband who gets angry at a quarter of tour.Vivre daily with his spouse or companion is not always a fun. It is true that life together is full of happiness, sharing, complicity, however, stress that accompanies us throughout the day, loads of work and family life erode over a couple. The

become frequent disputes and animosity fills the atmosphere to the point that many men and women dread the night to go home. Instead it is a moment of intimacy, reunions and relaxing atmosphere is electric and everyone has their own grain of salt until a scene triggers, plunging the whole household in a voltage embarrassante.Comment avoid this tension? Our elders always say that women are usually full of common sense. Recent watch over the balance of their home on the education of children but also the comfort of their husbands. They must be pampered, cared for and the least satisfied desire. Otherwise, it gets angry and blames you your lack of availability. What is not always an easy situation to avoid gérer.Pour his nervousness and his temper tantrums, it is preferable to adopt a certain organization that allows you to give everything the time it takes. Do not do everything at once. As for your husband, he must understand that you're not his mom and he may very well take care of themselves, particularly in respect of acts that can do it même.Si your husband goes every which way for a pair of socks found, stay calm and encourage them to seek rather than enraged. The tone that rises above all that is unnecessary generally, it solves nothing except that he ends up creating a rift in your relationship. For efficient management, patience and remain calm keywords.

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Jealousy: An emotion that plagues the working women and couples


Everyone is jealous in love, but some more than others! If you can not stand your spouse attends others and if you spy ever, it is time to remedy it, without destroying your relationship.

For most couples, there is an instinct of ownership over another. Focus on this feeling and its impact on the relationship amoureuse.La jealousy, when it becomes a relational mode is the most powerful weapon to destroy a relationship and completely alienate the two people who are involved. Because it relies chiefly on the avoidance of a sincere dialogue on the flight of responsibilities to the satisfaction of his needs and an attempt to control motivated primarily by the denial of his actual experience, there is a jealous recipe for lead to unhappiness.

Men or women, jealousy spares personne.Les reasons that lead to jealousy is not always common to both sexes. Female jealousy is built on the fantasy that every woman is a rival in power, jealous evaluate other women as she imagines that the man does while watching this one at the slightest sign of trahison.De its part, the jealous man monitors the appearance of his wife and control his schedule. Any transgression habits causes an avalanche of comments and questions.Dans all cases, it is a desperate attempt to succeed in love imagination, which inevitably causes of suffering, both in humans than in femme.De autodestructionPour love to some, the expression of jealousy is just check with the loved one that is always the center of his thoughts, that is to say that others do not count. The jealous calms down, while proving to his victim, she is anxious to please him. This jealousy then, if it remains light, shows a healthy couple who continues to enjoy the phase séduction.Pour other, fear of losing the privilege to be loved is so strong that it becomes obsessive . They seek indices of their misfortune, that is to say the evidence they have a rival. This attitude is exacerbated if it makes the love story unlivable. The jealous, for his distrust, stifling spontaneous expression to his partner, including that of love. Your partner in love is not your property. Do not be jealous, not of indifference, it is primarily a lack of trust in others. The fear of being left can be expressed by some demonstrations of jealousy, provided they do not question the sincerity of the partner. But if it alienates the freedom of others to secure his person, we risk everything perdre.Les Tips for overcoming jalousieVivre without being jealous, you can! Some tips can help you no longer suffer from this feeling, and no longer the do to your spouse. Similarly, if your other half that chokes you with his possessiveness, you can help them sortir.Ne not confuse business with pleasure Needless to mount movies when it comes a bit late in the office ! avoid any hint moved. If her work takes time, it certainly did not want to have to blame on returning! try instead to change his ideas, talking about something else that's travail.Laissez him a privacy Everyone is entitled to his garden confidentiality, privacy. This is not because you live together it should tell you everything. You have no right to spy on his phone calls or open her mail! Imagine if he did the same thing! Pay your oreilleEt if the problem was you who did not give him enough attention? It is normal to look elsewhere for a more attentive ear! Instead of spending your evening to watch him and rebuke him, try to be more present ... The clothes make the man Pay attention to side dress, and if you made the claim that it did not take care of your appearance does not take it badly. For if you want it has eyes only for you, it is essential to first take care of your appearance! And this concerns not only great opportunities but also quotidien.Ce are just examples but they illustrate the key points to hunt jealousy. And adopt the trust, respect and freedom. Because if you do not believe in others and what he says, your relationship can not be solid. To provide the means to your relationship to flourish, it is necessary to show your partner that you do not try to lock him in a cage!

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past thirty years, the proportion of working women has increased constantly. For many couples, this implies a fundamental challenge to traditional roles.

Profound changes

In scarcely 40 years, the couple's image has changed radically. In particular, a new phenomenon has reached all strata of society at a speed never seen before in history: it is the emergence of women's work within the couple.De Increasingly, this work corresponds to the deepest aspirations of women at the same time as a financial necessity. Such a change has given rise to tensions or even conflicts in new daily life of the couple, both materially and emotionally. How

spouses accept their respective professions? What are their reluctance and dissatisfaction with their subjects? The answers to these questions are often multiple and complex. They can nevertheless understand the problems that may arise and resolve them more easily. Under designs millennia, man is considered the head of household who must provide for his household. Obtain training, find employment, earn a living are imperatives incumbent, even today, more men than women. From childhood, a boy learns that he must have a trade, he will have responsibilities and that his training is more important than her sisters. His future as adults is synonymous with business and labor. His parents also strive to guide him according to his taste but more importantly, they ensure the "push" towards a social situation more rewarding than their own so that he earns more money than them. These "duties" weigh on the shoulders of the man and explain some obsessions: a fear of failing, fear of losing their jobs, the tensions that arise when taking risks in changing jobs or business. These obsessions are more likely to occur as torque loads are many: one or more children to raise, a house or apartment to pay, etc..
man can feel free of anxiety when his girlfriend decides to work. In material terms, the future and the lives of his family no longer depend on him alone. Two
wages instead of one, it's also a bit of comfort in the couple's finances, the opportunity to acquire more goods and to afford more trips or outings.

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Taking stock of his marriage: the couple

Research, establishing, maintaining and deepening an intimate and stable relationship with a partner hold a place of prime importance in the life of Most people, like that of other nurses.

Take time to take stock of your situation! It is highly recommended to answer the questionnaire honestly and taking the time to help you live your emotions.

Clearly define a problem is already having a better grip on him. Interactional rules lose their power and their strength after updates, because they can be questioned.

Your partner is invited to respond on his side. Then proceed to a pooling of responses and sharing your reactions.

There is no "right" answers. Everyone must have his own perceptions. Everyone is an expert in his experience, his emotional world.

1. Couple formation

How did you first met? What had attracted you to this point? What you liked?

Of all the people around you, what brought you to marry (or live with) this person? What exactly you like it?

The expression of the first links usually evokes a reconciliation of the couple and provides information on the mutual needs which led to the creation of the couple. Some people respond to these difficult questions, merely saying "I loved him." It is important to specify exactly what you like.

Example: What physical trait? What quality? What "cute default? What behavior?

Once everyone has spoken, it is pertinent to ask: Is it always present?

It is not uncommon for couples hate it for the reasons that led them to choose.

Example: A wife who was so alive and full of energy is seen as an "edgy" unbearable. The husband who was so sure of himself and who always seemed to know where he was perceived as a dictator who thinks he always right.

2. Wish

How would you like things happen between you? What do you want to live in your marriage?

The expression of wishes rather than dissatisfaction raises hopes and avoid hurtful. This creates a common project around which partners can meet. This clearly indicates the partner desired behaviors. Instead of saying what he should do, let him guess what he needs to do.

Example: Do not say: Stop to watch television all the time. Say I want you to talk with me more often.

Some people know what they want, having realized that what hurts. It then becomes useful to identify dissatisfaction and direct them to a positive demand for change.

3. Current situation

- What's it like to live in your marriage?
- What's that you're still together after "X" time?
- What are the unmet needs?

4. Symbol

How would you describe your relationship? Do you have pictures about that? If your marriage was a road, what kind of road would it be? What kind of house would it be? What kind of vehicle? What other symbol could represent your relationship?

For some people, the symbolic expression used to express and explore more deeply their experiences as a couple.

Example: a house closed, isolated environment of a hospital, a highway right where it was on full speed, a road where there are plenty of curves and mountains, a pair of slippers.

5. Dissatisfaction

If you had a magic wand, what would you change in your marriage? What that hurts? What expectations from those you had at the time of formation of the couple have not been met?

6. Future

How do you imagine your life together in one, five or ten years? How do you see yourself in five or ten years?

7. Rules governing emotions

What you do with the trouble in your marriage? What do you do when you? Commits does your partner? What he does when he has trouble? How do you react?
can ask the same questions, replacing the sentence with anger or joy. Is it permissible
to openly express his emotions in your relationship? Is it also allowed for each partner?

These questions highlight what can be experienced by implication as to the expression of emotions.

8. Expressing satisfaction

Do you know if the other appreciates your presence or what you do? How does he know? How do you know? Must you ask? Should he ask? How do you react when you congratulate the other? Do you ever happen to congratulate him?

9. Negotiation

What happens when you are disagree? How it ends there, usually? Do you ever happen to you play? How it started there? How it ends there?

10. Differentiation

What do you like? (Tastes, needs, training, interests, etc.).. How are you different? Do you have time just for you (individually)?

11. Social Life

you going out? Do you have personal friends? Everyone you see they are friends of the couple? What relationship do you have with the family (yours and spouse)? Do you have enough time to be together face-to-head?

12. Self-image

What do you think of yourself as a partner? Why your partner does he live with you? What did he (she) loves you specifically? Could you live alone (e)? Could you find another partner if you wanted? Would it be worthwhile to live only for you?

13. Roles

Most of the time:

- Who is responsible for meals? How it decides there?
- Who is responsible for repair (or repair) the car, home, furniture, electrical appliances?
- Who buys the clothes?
- Who looks after the finances (budget, taxes)?
- Who handles garbage?
- Who cleans and clean the house?
- Who is organizing the free time, suggests or selects the outputs and activities?
- Who looks after children's education?
- Who initiates the conversations?
- Who initiates reconciliation after an argument? How does he (she)?
- Who usually initiates sex? How does he (she)?
- Who usually the other console?
- who usually criticizes the other?
there any desirable changes in these roles?

14. Exploring taboos

How would you react if your partner:

- once you hit?
- had a sexual relationship with another person?
- loved another person?
- left you?
- drinking to excess?

How do you feel now when you think each of these situations?

15. Involvement

What you're willing to do to make it get better in your marriage?

16. Hypothetical reproaches

If you were angry against your partner, it would be about what? What others do you Instead, blaming your partner?

Some people come not to feel outrage or anger and desensitize themselves to better withstand the unbearable. A reflection on what might get angry and taken away through the eyes of another can facilitate questioning.

17. Secrets

What are the secrets that you do not want your partner to know? How would he react if he learned? What is it you would react to see this? What effect does this have on your relationship than to keep this secret?

reflection on this theme only allows the person discover the catastrophic fears, and possibly unrealistic, it maintains about his secret. It can also discover the price she pays the secret (emotional distance). Finally, note that many people keep secrets under the guise of protecting the other, when in reality they protect themselves.

What I might have to tell him that I dare not tell her or I have not had the opportunity to tell him?

Once the secret well identified, the person has more power over him. The choice of what she wants to do about it deserves.

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Questionnaire The 10 golden rules dialogue between the couple ...

1-Know listen carefully and answer only when your partner has finished talking.

2-Be slow to speak. Think first. Talk about how your spouse telium understands what you mean.

3-Always tell the truth but in love. Exaggerating at all.

4-Do not use silence to frustrate your spouse. Explain your reason for momentary hesitation.

5-Do not quarrel, do not forget that it is possible to have a different one without having to compete.

6-Be kind in your responses. Do not replicate with anger.

7-Know your wrongs and ask forgiveness.

8-Stop harassing your spouse of grievances. Do not annoy him constantly.

9-Do not criticize your spouse and do not blame, but rather seek to encourage and edify.

10-Seek to understand before being understood. Be tolerant and sincerely take to heart the interests of your spouse.

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Ten words for a harmonious life together


Sharing, tenderness, but also routine misunderstanding is not easy to live happily in pairs. Here, in ten words how to find balance and fulfillment in his daily life.



1-Communication
Many disputes arise from a lack of communication between the couple. You often agree to do things that bother you without saying anything, hoping that your spouse will understand. You have to go out tonight, but you are very tired. You'll tend to tell your partner: "Are you sure you want to go?" instead of explaining clearly that you are tired. Result, your spouse does not decode the message, you go out when you do not want and you blame him or her later. Listen to each other, express your frustrations, your desires, it will avoid accumulating resentment and annoyance. Get off on the everyday mundane conversations and talk really about you and your expectations.

2-Adaptation
Because you are two different people by nature, married life does not come naturally and requires a number of compromises. You do not necessarily have the same habits, the same lifestyle. It is impossible to reconcile two educations, two personalities without some adjustments. Sometimes you have to take upon himself and renounce its idiosyncrasies and irrational demands. Is it really so important that the remote is stored on the radius of the shelf? Accept the desires and needs of others, and find a balance between your lifestyle.

3-Generosity
You have often said, is to give and receive love. As cheesy as it may be the formula, it conceals a truth undeniable. Attention, it is not gifts but time, listening, availability, capacity to love another. And this generosity is unconditional, free. For married life does not turn to the simple cohabitation, courteous but deadly, the spouses must be desirous of taking care of each other, to please him. Kisses, compliments and other expressions of affection are not reserved the beginnings of relationships. Repeat every day for signs of affection and attention you want to live together.

4-Respect
You have reached such a degree of intimacy with your partner that you think might be more direct. Talk to him suddenly, without tact or delicacy. Without you guessed it, sometimes the violence of your words hurts or humiliates. Strangely, that the person you like the more you miss the most respect. Avoid rudeness and harsh criticism. In short, you behave with your partner as you would like him to do with you.

5-Availability
Spend time with each other, share couple of times. It seems obvious: Because you live together, you spend much time alone both. But it's not that simple. It is essential to preserve small moments for two, where each partner is fully present and available for other intellectually, that he forgets his worries and professional equipment. Go out, find activities Commons, cultivate your interests, share a real intimacy to two.

6-Seduction
station to indifference about the trivialization of the other. This is not because you have passed the life in common than you need to consider your relationship for granted and final. Do not go looking to please each other. Immediately discard in the trash if your old sweatshirt and your comfortable pajamas deformed. You find that the habits and routine progressivemement settle? Remember that you are not a spectator, but actor couple.

7-Confidence
Everyone repeat, there is no healthy relationship without trust. Each day, the promiscuous you submit to the temptation to monitor every move your spouse to control their phone calls, emails and other text messages. Stop! Resist the mistrust, doubt, suspicion. Do not turn your meal endless interrogations. While it is important to trust your partner, it is also essential to have confidence in your relationship. Do not be destabilized by the first obstacle that arises in your life. The everyday couple is far from smooth sailing, and if it is, is that there surely has a problem!

8-
Project A project provides a dynamic torque, a new breath. Have introduced a project the size of the dream in life to both. Be content to live from day to day is finally a way not to get involved. To survive the daily stress and routine which insidiously, the couple must be sustainable. Because the project makes you want to move forward, build something with the other. No need to look far, there are all sorts of projects: a journey, an apartment, children, renovate a house ...

9-Privacy
Every human being needs for intimacy. There is no question of physical intimacy, but emotional intimacy, emotional. Be times lonely, cultivating a secret garden keeps an element of mystery and freedom. Let your friend get lost in his thoughts and ideas without constantly asking "What are you thinking?" Moreover, partners must always be adhered to one another to want to meet. By dint of being all the time, we may no longer be watching. The ideal is that everyone can have his space.

10-Autonomy
Living Together not mean to compare her partner. Let alone to melt into him. You should not confuse love and addiction. It is crucial to allow a degree of autonomy to the other for it retains its own identity in the couple and did not feel suffocated. Take dance classes, go out with your girlfriends while watching a football game with friends. But be vigilant as to remain united in having two separate lives is extremely difficult. We must find a balance between fusion and independence.

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When to see a marriage counselor?


"We see couples of all ages but especially between 35 and 60 years as crises occur," explains Arlene L. marriage counselor in a family planning clinic in hospital. "It is often the case after 10-15 years together and at the time of retirement." The reasons? The vicissitudes of life, ignorance of the evolution of love, the irruption of a third-person or the ravages of time, which leads to no longer support themselves.

Listening

"We do not give advice. Our primary role is to listen, to perceive what is said, to hear beyond the words in order to help the couple find their own solutions. " Generally, two scenarios are possible: one partner is neglected by the other or all of the couple is in crisis.
In the first case, the marriage counselor helps the person out of his suffering, to understand why it got there. She also advised of his rights by indicating where to go, what are the procedures to which they are exposed, particularly if it wishes to hire a lawyer.
In the second case, it is often one of two members of the couple who moved to the other to come see the marriage counselor. "To explore the problem, I am always her to receive them separately, even if at the time of assessment, it will see them together." To overcome this crisis, the marriage counselor tries, through his meetings, know what happened before, to bring out the differences, problems and misunderstandings.

neutrality and confidentiality

Talking to a neutral and unknown allows the couple to express themselves more freely without fear of trial, and allows a more objective manner.
"Confide in someone close, is to risk talking about personal problems to a person you can be blurred by now, but will remain an observer of your marriage." The marriage counselor is also very alert to possible attempts of manipulation by one or another member of the couple.
Seek a marriage counselor, it is also, for the couple, a guarantee of confidentiality and professional training.
"What we says one member of the couple is never reported to the other, except with his consent. We are bound by professional secrecy." Created by the 1972 Law on contraception, marital counseling profession may be exercised only after having trained for three years with a diploma. This majority of women already working in the medical, paramedical and with knowledge in psychology, sexology and individual behavior.

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Secrets of a happy marriage


The man and woman are made for each other. But the day brings its own worries, disagreements, misunderstandings and fatigue, which blights the lives of couples ...

In love, we must spare no efforts, and give much information, without "calculation of profitability." Prepare your favorite meal, give a bath or massage her back part of those little attentions which any normal person crazy! The important thing is that he or she realizes her luck!
Expressing desires loudly
Dreaming of a weekend in love for your birthday or wedding lingerie for Valentine's Day? Do not wait for your partner guesses your desires express them! This will avoid resentment. And most husbands love to please, but never ideas. In terms of sex, it's the same thing: if you do not clearly tell your partner what you like, what you want him to do and how you or what you dislike, it does guess not alone. Ask nicely, clearly (by calling a spade a spade to remove any ambiguity), and will do the utmost to satisfy you.
Keep time in two
Work, children, TV, invoices ... And the couple, in all this? Every day we must come to arrange a viewing time, a real moment of intimacy in which we do not speak the job, no money or education of children. Everyone only cares about the other, his state of mind or what he wants to tell. This mutual care is rewarding because it gives the impression to exist really in the eyes of his companion. Establish the "quarter-hour for you alone, at the dinner (two) or once buried
... Do not decide for itself all (e) alone (e) To
all important matters the final decision can belong to only one member of the couple, but all must have been taken after consultation and acceptance by both parties a satisfactory compromise. The couple are therefore on an equal footing, means dialogue, listening, in a word of mutual respect.
Do not write off sex couples
No lasting sex life ... without all the couples are reconciled on the pillow will tell you! And if it does not exist in this area, standards to be followed (number of relationships, duration of sex ...), the main thing is that everyone will find happiness. This implies that time fancy and organization ... not always easy to make the effort, yet the game worth the candle. In private, do not skimp on foreplay, vary the sets, the positions ... And for that sexuality is satisfactory, we must remain attentive to his partner: ask questions, whisper sweet words, listen to his feelings and desires ...

And never give up on (the) win!

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Accept your spouse as it is!

If love is a wonderful feeling, married life is not necessarily an easy task! Between friction and misunderstandings, it is questionable whether Men and women are made to live together! And if the key to happiness was to stop wanting to change any price other to accept it as it is?

In less than half a century, the female and male models have changed dramatically. Many aspects of man and woman now tend to resemble more and more, erasing the specificities. However, according to John Gray, author of "Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus" *, it would be the essential cause of the failure of current relationships. Thus it would be preferable to accept the other as he is absolutely rather than trying to change it. This condition is indispensable for the couple to "hold water". So should you stop expecting the impossible?
Aliens for each other ...
For John Gray, the difference between men and women would be as radical as they were from two outer planets: their ways to communicate, act, feel, think and love are completely different. Men advocate the effectiveness, success, autonomy, power and would be more interested in the objectives and results by the relationships and people. For women that matters, it would be the exchange, feelings, self-giving, intimacy.
emotional needs of different basic
Based on his 20 years experience in couples therapy, John Gray draws up a list of priorities emotional men and women engaged in a romantic relationship. In other words, it defines what they absolutely need to feel loved and fulfilled in their relationship. According to him, women would wait until all of the attention, listening, understanding, respect, dedication, recognition and acceptance their feelings (their changing moods, too). Men, for their part, would require first of all admiration, approval, trust and be appreciated as they are (unless one seeks to change them).
Suffice to say that the face of such differences and misunderstandings and conflicts are endless. The disagreements are inevitable if everyone expects the other he has the interests and behavior identical to his love! Developing together ...

Rediscovering that we are radically different and take into account everyone's needs are therefore the first step to has a chance of torque. Understand and accept the spouse avoids accumulating frustrations, resentments, disappointments for all what is expected and who does not (as desired). Moreover, this understanding can offer the other what they really need.
Only once this settled understanding that the couple can go forward. Men and women are ready to evolve and make minor concessions indispensable to the development of a satisfactory relationship strong enough to take in the weather. So let
to show openness, tolerance, respect ... These qualities will help you in your relationship, but also in your life in general!

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How can we prepare ourselves for a long and happy married life

The wedding day is a wonderful and exciting event in the life of a couple. Most couples spend more time however to plan this special day to prepare to live together. According to some studies, couples who have a long and happy married life have several things in common: They

healthy vision of what marriage really.
They have a realistic idea of love.
They are able to say openly what they think and they feel.
They understand and accept that they will have disagreements.
They know how to make decisions. They manage to settle their disagreements when they are not on the same wavelength.
But to have a happy married life, he must put his. You can prepare by strengthening some of the capabilities that you have already earned. Here are some tips to help you build a long and happy marriage.

Be the best of friends
happy marriages begin first by a deep friendship and respect each other, happy couples revel in the moments spent with their partner. Know your partner. What does he or she likes and dislikes, what their strengths and weaknesses of character, aspirations, dreams, goals, interests, fears and concerns? Be the best of friends. Creating a link that will bring you closer strengthen your relationship.


Contact Learn how to express yourself and listen.
know about is sharing his thoughts, feelings and needs with her partner. Do not think he or she should know what you think even before you open your mouth. We must listen to him dire.Savoir is try to understand what your partner says. Do not attack or blame your partner if you do not agree with what he or she says. Give him a chance to express themselves, share ideas and thoughts with you. Do not interrupt it. Take the time to get together to express yourself and listen to each other. Find ways to talk and you listen to that suit you both. Be fair


Disagreements and disputes are an integral part of any relationship. You can learn to protect your marriage by learning to be fair, to resolve disagreements and manage your colère.On Can not miss: you will not always agree on everything, but try to stay on top of disagreements and disputes to prevent such situations are impossible to solve.

Focus on the positive
Often couples include special attention to their problems without taking the time to recognize not all that their relationship brings them good. Indeed, there are several things you do well in both. Think of these forces and you can be proud. Notice all that is good in your married life and highlight all the good elements.

Take courses premarital counseling or marriage preparation
Many couples find that premarital counseling or marriage preparation workshops are useful before marriage. These programs cover the following topics: communication

problem solving
children's education
money and finance
sex and intimacy
goals that binds a couple
good relations with family members, friends and parents-
The marriage preparation programs are beneficial for all couples as they promote the learning of:
strengthen skills already acquired
learn more about his partner
learn what are the major challenges of marriage and what it takes to overcome
have confidence they are doing the right thing in their relationship
meet other couples and share with those who are on the same stage in their lives
Contact the following organizations to inquire about the premarital counseling or marriage preparation workshops:
your local family services
your establishment of religion (eg.: church, synagogue, mosque, etc.).
your employee assistance program
your college local community

Read books and do all the exercises on the couple relationship
Some publications are recommended in the following section. Together, these publications you can read and do the exercises where at the time and place that suits you. These activities will help you get closer to perfect your ability to live as a couple and learn more about your partner.

Additional Resources

Books and other publications

Gottman, John and Nan Silver. the happy couple have their secrets : 7 laws of réussite.Pocket, 2709621207 2000.ISBN

Happiness in marriage (BDC)
This site is devoted to important aspects of a relationship, including love, communication, sexuality, crisis management, the effects of life on the couple, marriage, etc.. It contains tips, suggestions, lists of publications and useful links.

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Can we predict the duration of a marriage?



Couples often argue the contrary or are too remote to have a good chance of divorce. The risks would be up in two periods: before and after the seventh year the fourteenth.

You're in love? You even decided to get married? However, you certainly know of couples for whom the union has been a failure. How to tell if your marriage will work?
Conflict and silences, divorce cases
A U.S. study published in the American Journal of Marriage and the Family will perhaps help you. This study followed 80 couples have been married for 5 years, over a period of fourteen years. After four years, seven couples had divorced. After 10 more years, 13 more were no longer together. Two profiles of couples at risk have been identified: Couples often argue the contrary and who have relationships very cold. Of course, in both cases it is not really a surprise! Couples too cold or too confrontational really do not seem to agree! Two risk periods

This study also identified two risk periods. The first relates to the first seven years of marriage during which the odds of divorce are high. The second period of weakness would be around 14 years of marriage. According to psychologists, this is explained by the autonomy of growing children, which leaves parents time to reflect on their relationship and take stock of their marriage.
One of the surprises of the study is to have found a link between the risk profiles and two periods of weakness. Thus, couples who argue are too often those who divorce in the early years of marriage and couples too remote would be more vulnerable after 14 years together.
One in three marriages ends in divorce
hoped that knowledge of these periods of fragility may allow some couples save their marriage. According to the National Institute of Demographic Studies (INED), about 35% of marriages end in divorce. In 1998, 116,000 divorces were granted. The number of unions before the mayor, himself, is recovering slightly, with 280,000 weddings in 1999. Across the EU, the proportion of three marriages for a divorce against a five forty years ago.

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The seven principles for a marriage to work



1-Know your partner

His pleasures, preferences, what irritates him, his fears, his sources of stress, goals, concerns, hopes , desires, beliefs, fears.

2-Feed your appreciation and admiration.

Remember what you admire in another, what you find interesting, what would you miss if it was not there, what you enjoy, what you are proud. Express it. Celebrate it.
Remember your good times, your values and beliefs, your goals, the support that you give yourself, your first meeting.

3-Spend time together.

Stay connected. Discussions, activities, tasks, hobbies, pleasures, be helpful. A conversation
anti-stress: Each turn

Do not give unsolicited advice.
Demonstrate a genuine interest.
Communicate your understanding.
Take part for your partner (at first, even to qualify your position later.) Express your
part of a team "Us against the others."
express affection.
Validate feelings: I see your emotions, and they touch me, they are important to me, I am interested to understand them and I'm looking for you.

4-Let your partner influence you.

It is important to communicate her partner to be respected. Power sharing is an important component of marital satisfaction. Your partner can tell you how he wants to be loved. It is better to keep it regularly informed of the views of his partner. Look for the reasonable request that lurks in the position of your partner.

5-Solve problems you can solve.

sure to start the conversation smoothly. The discussions often end in the same tone that they started. Give your partner a chance to repair his mistakes. Cooperate with its efforts to deliver on track the conversation that strays into dangerous areas. Find a comfortable physical condition before embarking on the important discussions. Search for compromise and show tolerance for your mistakes and take.
Take care to listen. Argue without understanding is not effective.
Express what you live without blame.
Talk to you (I).
Describe the facts.
Be clear.
Be polite.
Express what you love.
Do not stockpile frustrations.

Ask yourself:
How can one understand this?
What do you get?
What are your feelings now common and feelings are most important?
What common goals can you have now?
How do we believe that these goals should be achieved?
Remember to build your project together as a couple, what matters is not whether, in absolute terms, what you are doing is statistically justified. What matters is your perception and your subjective personal opinion: is it satisfactory to each of you? Each pair comes in different arrangements. The important thing is that every member of the couple believes that the balance is satisfactory.

6-break deadlocks on issues unsolvable.

Most marital conflicts (69%) were chronic (frequency of sexual intercourse, sharing of tasks, the religious education of children, the educational attitude towards children). You do not resolve these conflicts to be happily married. In choosing a partner, you choose a series of intractable problems with which you'll have to fend for ten, twenty or fifty years. You can live with these problems. Search
significant personal dreams behind those stalemates and know what y. Dreaming different things. The dream of your partner must be expressed and acknowledged. (Freedom, peace, unity with nature, which I explore, adventure, a spiritual journey, justice, honor, continuity with its past, to heal, to know his family, become what I can be, the feeling of power, age, explore their creativity, competence, forgiveness, competence, order, productivity, clarify priorities, finish what matters explore physical activity, travel, compete and win the peace, harmony, build what is important to make a bereavement)
Do not try to solve an intractable problem. Just try to understand why each of you has such strong feelings about it. You still want two that is no longer a source of pain. Accept the differences. Make peace with insoluble problems.

7-Share of significant moments.

Create opportunities to talk honestly about your feelings and your beliefs. (Arrival and departure, greeting, meal times, parties, sleeping, weekends, birthdays, holidays, illness).

Most people look for in a couple's life interactions frequent and non-confrontational in a relational context marked by the exchange and mutual support.

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marriage


I bind myself to the life I chose

Now my goal will no longer seek to please me but to please whom I choose

God's intention for marriage partners is that they are allies - close friends, lovers, warriors in the war against spiritual forces of evil. To fight, we have to draw strength, courage and the food very person who, as the deeper, supporting us and we accompanies the fight - our soul mate for life.
Marriage is more than just a convention to overcome loneliness or a practical arrangement to perpetuate the race. First and finally, marriage is a mirror of the relationship between the human and the divine. Each couple is called to represent God in his perfect relationship with himself - Father, Son and Holy Spirit - as well as in his relationship with his people.
Marriage has a dual purpose: to reveal the glory of God and enhance one's spouse. If I / take it as the wearer (is) the image of God and devote myself to the development of its beauty, its glory, so to achieve the glory of God.
Marriage becomes a great adventure, a discovery continues, both self-and spouse, a daily opportunity to broaden their horizons, learn something new in life, the man of God . That is why God says: "It is not good that man should be alone." Human beings need community, it needs a partner, a true encounter, he needs to understand others and feel understood by others.
It is the intention of God in establishing the marriage. Only man tramples and freezes. In the confrontation demanding marriage, he constantly has to overcome itself, evolve, grow. When marriage is reduced to an association, even peaceful, two alien beings to one another, it misses its target. They fail in their destiny of man and woman. Include the spouse renounce, abandon it to understand oneself, to grow, to flourish.


Marriage is a transplant: it takes good or evil (Hugo, Victor)

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Small faults of our spouse, how to live with and love



By using psychology, can be transformed through some of his Jules vulgar trifles. By Alyne
Samson

1. For the hyper-relaxed : not much on chores "I would have done, but it out of my head! "
It determines the tasks that we really wanted, our spouse is allowed to run his way.
It does not pick up his things and it infuriates us? They are placed in a box

2. The retarded teen : when will it grow? "If I won the lottery ..." Let's use
his fun side and let him areas of madness.

He spends too much? With his agreement, is kicked out of his account his share of payments to an account that administers operations: it will spend what is left!

3. The workaholic : rarely at home 'I will arrive a little late. "
is organized to have a life of its own, an important social network.
We fix our limits, we refuse to take all responsibilities.
is asked to allow time for both of us, no cell phone!

4. The grumpy : never satisfied! "It's good, but it would be better with lemon."
Never turn the criticism against you if we judge it to be untrue.
was amplified his speech for him to show his tendency to criticize. It does
more attention, we try to change the subject.

5. The perfect little : emotions, it is not his forte! "He is surely a solution. You panic for nothing. "

It shows his tendency to remonstrate, and was told they did not need a father.
If children have also left their shoes lying around, there should be a signal that leads him to intervene rather than tell us to calm down.

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fidilité

was all our little certainty about the winning combination of a couple ... But often, reality is complex! Two specialists nuance.

When we love, we Fidail,
Not so simple! "If we love each other, we will be faithful to its commitments, says Jocelyn Robert, sexologist and author. Loyalty is a concept to define both. "Everyone must agree to abide by certain rules ... negotiated honestly.
For Father Francis St, psychologist and family mediator, "infidelity is not necessarily move on, but hide things from each other. "A couple always defined more or less tacitly space of freedom that everyone has. Infidelity, in fact, it does not respect this agreement. "Among the spouses who jump the fence, two men and three women were satisfied with their relationship! It's not that they love most: they seek novelty." The feeling of love does not guarantee exclusivity. And vice versa.

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THE IMPORTANCE OF CONFLICT BETWEEN COUPLES

It is apparently not easy to live a good life together for several years if we rely on divorce rates. This is around 50% in North America, which does not count couples who become dissatisfied or unhappy and that does not separate. It has stabilized if one considers the whole population but if it is calculated by year of marriage, we observe that the probability continues to increase for young couples. For example, the rate was 30% for couples in 1950, 50% for those trained in years 70 and 67% for those trained in the 90s (Goleman, 1997). Half of divorces occur in the first seven years of marriage. For second marriages, it is 10% higher than the former (Gottman & Silver, 1999).

Yet research shows that people generally are not only very satisfied with their relationship at first but also involved (in contrast to popular belief) and optimistic about the future of their relationship. It is difficult to imagine that it could deteriorate (Clements and al. 1997; Gottman & Silver, 1999). What happens to it that a few years later, they are rendered to think about separating? Why have they not been able to maintain their satisfaction and commitment? Can we identify differences between couples who manage to live happily together and those who fail? Are there factors that are predictors of success or failure of relationships? In recent years, research who ask this last question is particularly revealing.

In this research, many couples are followed for several years. Different characteristics of their relationship (eg, their modes of communication when differences, their level of commitment, sexual harmony, etc..) are observed and measured. After a few years, while couples can be divided into two groups, those who are separated or consider themselves unhappy and those who are satisfied with their relationship, it is checked whether membership in these groups is linked to the characteristics observed in early research, several years ago. Could anyone predict which couples would be separated?

Different research teams including those of Clements and Markman (Clements et al., 1997) and Gottman (Gottman & Silver, 1999) found that certain characteristics can indeed, with an accuracy quite large, predict the likelihood of dissatisfaction and separation. Surprising result, they found that the positive aspects of a relationship that began as the level of commitment, sexual harmony, intimacy, satisfaction, etc.. does not predict the likelihood of a successful relationship. What seems predictor by cons, is how couples react to differences and conflicts as they arise.

For all couples, differences and conflicts inevitably arise. They must decide where to live, how to divide tasks, how to manage money, what career focus, how to divide their leisure time with family and staff, etc. .. Differences in tastes, needs, priorities and ideas between partners lead to conflicts of interests are often difficult to reconcile. It's not having conflict is predictive of failure, neither the number nor the areas of conflict. The happy couple after several years have also subjects of discontent, unresolved conflicts and sometimes painful discussions. But among the couples who become separated or dissatisfied, there is much more frequently some negative ways of reacting to conflicts that are harmful. They should start a climb where everything is interpreted more negatively. The thoughts and negative feelings towards the other become pervasive to the point that in the newspaper, the positive aspects of the relationship are losing ground. There is not much of friendship is to say, respect and enjoyment of being together (Gottman & Silver, 1999).

The failure of marital relationships would be due to erosion of the positive aspects exerted by the negative behavior. According to several researchers, a negative act would offset many positive acts (doing an activity together, making love, etc..). That's what that would the positive aspects that have led the partners to be together and that fueled their satisfaction in the first time does not predict the success of their relationship.

We will see in the first part of this issue, what are the ways to respond to conflicts that are so harmful. We also see how conflicts emerge and evolve. In the second part, we shall see in what ways, according to recent research, couples can direct their efforts to preserve their relationship to erosion by conflict. The models presented here provide research and developments in the cognitive-behavioral approach couple relationships. They are far from round the issue. There are plenty of models to describe and understand the relationships. Each clarifies and different facets.

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Cohabitation, what for? Love & Dating

between advocates of "stay at home" and those who dream only a mild joint home, the Sparks Fly! But living together is that the decision is vital to a real relationship, or conversely, a true "kills-love"?

Living together out of the question!

"I refuse to share my living space," "I need my freedom," some couples refuse cohabitation systematic and the two partners live their separate ways, only found a few days a week. If

is generally a deliberate choice, it can also be a forced decision (job transfer, etc.), while often painful qu'épanouissante, but limited in time. Some people choose to live separately, for fear of commitment, but little by little, settled in one or the other, the air of nothing ...

Looks like a couple ... But can
we build a solid relationship when you do share a few nights a week? If this seems possible in some love (A minority), according to experts, we can not talk while torque itself. That is what we call "the wedding weekend, the two partners are not finding that to share fun activities, said Robert Neuburger, a psychiatrist and therapist for couples and families. But this formula is often to couples who are not already. " Difficult, it seems, not to share the daily, small joys and great sorrows, days of fatigue or illness, invoices and management of common nest! These couples say they live the best, without knowing the downside. But in fact, they often idealize the relationship, and, like the beginning of a meeting, play a role, hide their faults and weaknesses just to show them a picture perfect and smooth ... that is only part of their personality.

A story ended before it began
Moreover, it is wrong to believe that love part time avoids the problems. "The difficulty is sometimes the lack of sharing, lack of privacy that are markers of a common territory or shared finances," says R. Neuburger. Common life is reduced to the emotional and sexual life. This solution sometimes adopted to avoid problems of a separation, a problem in the construction of the couple because the separation is so early that it is sometimes necessary ... to the extent that the couple is virtually no!

The uncertainties of married life

Yet, though living in a whole seems essential for most couples, the daily double is far from smooth sailing! "Difficulties are related to the relationship between the spaces of individual privacy and intimacy of the couple, said R. Neuburger. Those who have long lived alone before settling down, finding it painful sensations Invasiveness their privacy. There must be room to another, where he managed very well by itself, transform an area that we belonged exclusively condominiums.

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Ah, love!

Cupid comes from you shoot his arrow? Unless you are still looking for a soul mate or couple for some time? In any case, love is the heart of your concerns ... How to take a thunderbolt? Are there any tricks to keep the passion? Doctissimo gives you all the tips for a fulfilling relationship!

Report its flame

In love, the first steps are often the most difficult! Find your soul mate, overcome his shyness to declare his love, fulfill a thunderclap ... are some real tests. But it's worth the effort! Some tips for not only stay forever! Dare address

soul mate!

Approaching someone you like ... This is an often difficult situation in which the traction is a must! Tips to make your first appointment is not the last ... Your
jitters you may be prevented from doing theater or start a career in the song ... But the worst thing is if your lack of confidence makes you miss the love! Into four key stages, Doctissimo gives you some tips to successfully tackle a soulmate ... Try the address

You've spotted (e) long, you work with him or (the) cross each day at the bakery. You've decided that this could not last, he had to declare your love with at least invite him to lunch! Bravo! Now he is taking your courage to dare to approach. Some tricks to transform into a knight Bayard
Try positive thinking: are you saying that you're the most beautiful, best ... Although this may not be effective, it can give you the boost you need!
More down to earth, do not forget you beautiful! Capped (e), dressed (e) you will feel another man (another woman). Nothing better to ensure his power of seduction! But be careful to choose clothing that you feel comfortable!
you know! List the defects it is better to "hide" and the qualities to highlight. But seek not to be too perfect! Bumble
Do not!
It is very important to make a good first impression! To do this, you should under no circumstances stutter. Some tips to avoid getting tangled pencils: Without
write sentences in advance, identify key themes that want to address. Try not to lose sight of during the conversation.
must also know how to improvise! Nothing more annoying than someone who recites laboriously text! Feel free to change the subject if you see that you do not spend the crowds!
Agree to admit that you have stage fright! Honesty is often paid off!
Do not look at your feet! Seduction also passes through the eyes. Not necessarily staring each other, look at really! You will see that it may be more effective than words ...

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EDITORIAL

Hi,

This blog is specially dedicated for those who are couples, the problems they can meet for a few simple conditions and tips to overcome them and save their relationship.