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How can we prepare ourselves for a long and happy married life

The wedding day is a wonderful and exciting event in the life of a couple. Most couples spend more time however to plan this special day to prepare to live together. According to some studies, couples who have a long and happy married life have several things in common: They

healthy vision of what marriage really.
They have a realistic idea of love.
They are able to say openly what they think and they feel.
They understand and accept that they will have disagreements.
They know how to make decisions. They manage to settle their disagreements when they are not on the same wavelength.
But to have a happy married life, he must put his. You can prepare by strengthening some of the capabilities that you have already earned. Here are some tips to help you build a long and happy marriage.

Be the best of friends
happy marriages begin first by a deep friendship and respect each other, happy couples revel in the moments spent with their partner. Know your partner. What does he or she likes and dislikes, what their strengths and weaknesses of character, aspirations, dreams, goals, interests, fears and concerns? Be the best of friends. Creating a link that will bring you closer strengthen your relationship.


Contact Learn how to express yourself and listen.
know about is sharing his thoughts, feelings and needs with her partner. Do not think he or she should know what you think even before you open your mouth. We must listen to him dire.Savoir is try to understand what your partner says. Do not attack or blame your partner if you do not agree with what he or she says. Give him a chance to express themselves, share ideas and thoughts with you. Do not interrupt it. Take the time to get together to express yourself and listen to each other. Find ways to talk and you listen to that suit you both. Be fair


Disagreements and disputes are an integral part of any relationship. You can learn to protect your marriage by learning to be fair, to resolve disagreements and manage your colère.On Can not miss: you will not always agree on everything, but try to stay on top of disagreements and disputes to prevent such situations are impossible to solve.

Focus on the positive
Often couples include special attention to their problems without taking the time to recognize not all that their relationship brings them good. Indeed, there are several things you do well in both. Think of these forces and you can be proud. Notice all that is good in your married life and highlight all the good elements.

Take courses premarital counseling or marriage preparation
Many couples find that premarital counseling or marriage preparation workshops are useful before marriage. These programs cover the following topics: communication

problem solving
children's education
money and finance
sex and intimacy
goals that binds a couple
good relations with family members, friends and parents-
The marriage preparation programs are beneficial for all couples as they promote the learning of:
strengthen skills already acquired
learn more about his partner
learn what are the major challenges of marriage and what it takes to overcome
have confidence they are doing the right thing in their relationship
meet other couples and share with those who are on the same stage in their lives
Contact the following organizations to inquire about the premarital counseling or marriage preparation workshops:
your local family services
your establishment of religion (eg.: church, synagogue, mosque, etc.).
your employee assistance program
your college local community

Read books and do all the exercises on the couple relationship
Some publications are recommended in the following section. Together, these publications you can read and do the exercises where at the time and place that suits you. These activities will help you get closer to perfect your ability to live as a couple and learn more about your partner.

Additional Resources

Books and other publications

Gottman, John and Nan Silver. the happy couple have their secrets : 7 laws of réussite.Pocket, 2709621207 2000.ISBN

Happiness in marriage (BDC)
This site is devoted to important aspects of a relationship, including love, communication, sexuality, crisis management, the effects of life on the couple, marriage, etc.. It contains tips, suggestions, lists of publications and useful links.

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Can we predict the duration of a marriage?



Couples often argue the contrary or are too remote to have a good chance of divorce. The risks would be up in two periods: before and after the seventh year the fourteenth.

You're in love? You even decided to get married? However, you certainly know of couples for whom the union has been a failure. How to tell if your marriage will work?
Conflict and silences, divorce cases
A U.S. study published in the American Journal of Marriage and the Family will perhaps help you. This study followed 80 couples have been married for 5 years, over a period of fourteen years. After four years, seven couples had divorced. After 10 more years, 13 more were no longer together. Two profiles of couples at risk have been identified: Couples often argue the contrary and who have relationships very cold. Of course, in both cases it is not really a surprise! Couples too cold or too confrontational really do not seem to agree! Two risk periods

This study also identified two risk periods. The first relates to the first seven years of marriage during which the odds of divorce are high. The second period of weakness would be around 14 years of marriage. According to psychologists, this is explained by the autonomy of growing children, which leaves parents time to reflect on their relationship and take stock of their marriage.
One of the surprises of the study is to have found a link between the risk profiles and two periods of weakness. Thus, couples who argue are too often those who divorce in the early years of marriage and couples too remote would be more vulnerable after 14 years together.
One in three marriages ends in divorce
hoped that knowledge of these periods of fragility may allow some couples save their marriage. According to the National Institute of Demographic Studies (INED), about 35% of marriages end in divorce. In 1998, 116,000 divorces were granted. The number of unions before the mayor, himself, is recovering slightly, with 280,000 weddings in 1999. Across the EU, the proportion of three marriages for a divorce against a five forty years ago.

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The seven principles for a marriage to work



1-Know your partner

His pleasures, preferences, what irritates him, his fears, his sources of stress, goals, concerns, hopes , desires, beliefs, fears.

2-Feed your appreciation and admiration.

Remember what you admire in another, what you find interesting, what would you miss if it was not there, what you enjoy, what you are proud. Express it. Celebrate it.
Remember your good times, your values and beliefs, your goals, the support that you give yourself, your first meeting.

3-Spend time together.

Stay connected. Discussions, activities, tasks, hobbies, pleasures, be helpful. A conversation
anti-stress: Each turn

Do not give unsolicited advice.
Demonstrate a genuine interest.
Communicate your understanding.
Take part for your partner (at first, even to qualify your position later.) Express your
part of a team "Us against the others."
express affection.
Validate feelings: I see your emotions, and they touch me, they are important to me, I am interested to understand them and I'm looking for you.

4-Let your partner influence you.

It is important to communicate her partner to be respected. Power sharing is an important component of marital satisfaction. Your partner can tell you how he wants to be loved. It is better to keep it regularly informed of the views of his partner. Look for the reasonable request that lurks in the position of your partner.

5-Solve problems you can solve.

sure to start the conversation smoothly. The discussions often end in the same tone that they started. Give your partner a chance to repair his mistakes. Cooperate with its efforts to deliver on track the conversation that strays into dangerous areas. Find a comfortable physical condition before embarking on the important discussions. Search for compromise and show tolerance for your mistakes and take.
Take care to listen. Argue without understanding is not effective.
Express what you live without blame.
Talk to you (I).
Describe the facts.
Be clear.
Be polite.
Express what you love.
Do not stockpile frustrations.

Ask yourself:
How can one understand this?
What do you get?
What are your feelings now common and feelings are most important?
What common goals can you have now?
How do we believe that these goals should be achieved?
Remember to build your project together as a couple, what matters is not whether, in absolute terms, what you are doing is statistically justified. What matters is your perception and your subjective personal opinion: is it satisfactory to each of you? Each pair comes in different arrangements. The important thing is that every member of the couple believes that the balance is satisfactory.

6-break deadlocks on issues unsolvable.

Most marital conflicts (69%) were chronic (frequency of sexual intercourse, sharing of tasks, the religious education of children, the educational attitude towards children). You do not resolve these conflicts to be happily married. In choosing a partner, you choose a series of intractable problems with which you'll have to fend for ten, twenty or fifty years. You can live with these problems. Search
significant personal dreams behind those stalemates and know what y. Dreaming different things. The dream of your partner must be expressed and acknowledged. (Freedom, peace, unity with nature, which I explore, adventure, a spiritual journey, justice, honor, continuity with its past, to heal, to know his family, become what I can be, the feeling of power, age, explore their creativity, competence, forgiveness, competence, order, productivity, clarify priorities, finish what matters explore physical activity, travel, compete and win the peace, harmony, build what is important to make a bereavement)
Do not try to solve an intractable problem. Just try to understand why each of you has such strong feelings about it. You still want two that is no longer a source of pain. Accept the differences. Make peace with insoluble problems.

7-Share of significant moments.

Create opportunities to talk honestly about your feelings and your beliefs. (Arrival and departure, greeting, meal times, parties, sleeping, weekends, birthdays, holidays, illness).

Most people look for in a couple's life interactions frequent and non-confrontational in a relational context marked by the exchange and mutual support.