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When to see a marriage counselor?


"We see couples of all ages but especially between 35 and 60 years as crises occur," explains Arlene L. marriage counselor in a family planning clinic in hospital. "It is often the case after 10-15 years together and at the time of retirement." The reasons? The vicissitudes of life, ignorance of the evolution of love, the irruption of a third-person or the ravages of time, which leads to no longer support themselves.

Listening

"We do not give advice. Our primary role is to listen, to perceive what is said, to hear beyond the words in order to help the couple find their own solutions. " Generally, two scenarios are possible: one partner is neglected by the other or all of the couple is in crisis.
In the first case, the marriage counselor helps the person out of his suffering, to understand why it got there. She also advised of his rights by indicating where to go, what are the procedures to which they are exposed, particularly if it wishes to hire a lawyer.
In the second case, it is often one of two members of the couple who moved to the other to come see the marriage counselor. "To explore the problem, I am always her to receive them separately, even if at the time of assessment, it will see them together." To overcome this crisis, the marriage counselor tries, through his meetings, know what happened before, to bring out the differences, problems and misunderstandings.

neutrality and confidentiality

Talking to a neutral and unknown allows the couple to express themselves more freely without fear of trial, and allows a more objective manner.
"Confide in someone close, is to risk talking about personal problems to a person you can be blurred by now, but will remain an observer of your marriage." The marriage counselor is also very alert to possible attempts of manipulation by one or another member of the couple.
Seek a marriage counselor, it is also, for the couple, a guarantee of confidentiality and professional training.
"What we says one member of the couple is never reported to the other, except with his consent. We are bound by professional secrecy." Created by the 1972 Law on contraception, marital counseling profession may be exercised only after having trained for three years with a diploma. This majority of women already working in the medical, paramedical and with knowledge in psychology, sexology and individual behavior.

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Secrets of a happy marriage


The man and woman are made for each other. But the day brings its own worries, disagreements, misunderstandings and fatigue, which blights the lives of couples ...

In love, we must spare no efforts, and give much information, without "calculation of profitability." Prepare your favorite meal, give a bath or massage her back part of those little attentions which any normal person crazy! The important thing is that he or she realizes her luck!
Expressing desires loudly
Dreaming of a weekend in love for your birthday or wedding lingerie for Valentine's Day? Do not wait for your partner guesses your desires express them! This will avoid resentment. And most husbands love to please, but never ideas. In terms of sex, it's the same thing: if you do not clearly tell your partner what you like, what you want him to do and how you or what you dislike, it does guess not alone. Ask nicely, clearly (by calling a spade a spade to remove any ambiguity), and will do the utmost to satisfy you.
Keep time in two
Work, children, TV, invoices ... And the couple, in all this? Every day we must come to arrange a viewing time, a real moment of intimacy in which we do not speak the job, no money or education of children. Everyone only cares about the other, his state of mind or what he wants to tell. This mutual care is rewarding because it gives the impression to exist really in the eyes of his companion. Establish the "quarter-hour for you alone, at the dinner (two) or once buried
... Do not decide for itself all (e) alone (e) To
all important matters the final decision can belong to only one member of the couple, but all must have been taken after consultation and acceptance by both parties a satisfactory compromise. The couple are therefore on an equal footing, means dialogue, listening, in a word of mutual respect.
Do not write off sex couples
No lasting sex life ... without all the couples are reconciled on the pillow will tell you! And if it does not exist in this area, standards to be followed (number of relationships, duration of sex ...), the main thing is that everyone will find happiness. This implies that time fancy and organization ... not always easy to make the effort, yet the game worth the candle. In private, do not skimp on foreplay, vary the sets, the positions ... And for that sexuality is satisfactory, we must remain attentive to his partner: ask questions, whisper sweet words, listen to his feelings and desires ...

And never give up on (the) win!

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Accept your spouse as it is!

If love is a wonderful feeling, married life is not necessarily an easy task! Between friction and misunderstandings, it is questionable whether Men and women are made to live together! And if the key to happiness was to stop wanting to change any price other to accept it as it is?

In less than half a century, the female and male models have changed dramatically. Many aspects of man and woman now tend to resemble more and more, erasing the specificities. However, according to John Gray, author of "Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus" *, it would be the essential cause of the failure of current relationships. Thus it would be preferable to accept the other as he is absolutely rather than trying to change it. This condition is indispensable for the couple to "hold water". So should you stop expecting the impossible?
Aliens for each other ...
For John Gray, the difference between men and women would be as radical as they were from two outer planets: their ways to communicate, act, feel, think and love are completely different. Men advocate the effectiveness, success, autonomy, power and would be more interested in the objectives and results by the relationships and people. For women that matters, it would be the exchange, feelings, self-giving, intimacy.
emotional needs of different basic
Based on his 20 years experience in couples therapy, John Gray draws up a list of priorities emotional men and women engaged in a romantic relationship. In other words, it defines what they absolutely need to feel loved and fulfilled in their relationship. According to him, women would wait until all of the attention, listening, understanding, respect, dedication, recognition and acceptance their feelings (their changing moods, too). Men, for their part, would require first of all admiration, approval, trust and be appreciated as they are (unless one seeks to change them).
Suffice to say that the face of such differences and misunderstandings and conflicts are endless. The disagreements are inevitable if everyone expects the other he has the interests and behavior identical to his love! Developing together ...

Rediscovering that we are radically different and take into account everyone's needs are therefore the first step to has a chance of torque. Understand and accept the spouse avoids accumulating frustrations, resentments, disappointments for all what is expected and who does not (as desired). Moreover, this understanding can offer the other what they really need.
Only once this settled understanding that the couple can go forward. Men and women are ready to evolve and make minor concessions indispensable to the development of a satisfactory relationship strong enough to take in the weather. So let
to show openness, tolerance, respect ... These qualities will help you in your relationship, but also in your life in general!